Do you ever feel like you’re pretending your way through life? Like you have to wear a mask to get through certain situations? That you must put on a particular personality just to please everyone around you?
As many of you know by now, I really believe that the two main things that get in the way of us leading a truly authentic life are people-pleasing and pretending. These two things stop us from being the real versions of ourselves.
However, pretending and people-pleasing doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, as I mentioned in this blog post, people-pleasing can be a symptom of past trauma. So, it’s quite possible that your need to pretend and people please isn’t your fault.
There’s one place where pretending – or mask-wearing – and people-pleasing stem from: a lack of self-trust.
Today I’d like to tell you more about trusting yourself, what it means, and what happens when you fully and completely trust yourself (spoiler alert: it’s great!)
What is self-trust?
If you’re reading this blog, it’s possible that you’re looking for ways to improve your life and live the lifestyle you want. A lot of this, and more, is possible if we just trust ourselves.
Making mistakes and facing life setbacks, as well as picking up baggage as we orbit around the sun, picks away at our sense of self-trust and can often mean we don’t have much of it left.
What does a lack of self-trust look like?
A lack of self-trust can lead to feeling like: you aren’t good enough or worthy, being extremely hard on yourself when you make a mistake, having difficulty making decisions without the validation of others, being afraid of disappointing others, and hiding your authentic self from the world.
What does self-trust look like?
Self-trust involves: being aware of your thoughts and feelings, being able to express yourself honestly, sticking by your personal values, feeling confident in your decisions, and pursuing the life you’ve always dreamed of. Sounds great, eh?
How can I learn to trust myself?
If you’re looking for a quick-fix solution to building self-trust, you’ve come to the wrong place. Gaining self-trust is an inward journey that only you can take. While a mindset coach like me can always help you along the way to constructing self-trust, it’s something that will take work on your part.
If you’re prepared to put in the work and really dig deep to earn the self-trust you deserve, then you’re definitely are in the right place!
Let’s unpack some ways that you can learn to trust yourself again.
Silencing your inner critic
You know that voice inside your head that tells you that you aren’t smart, that you aren’t good enough, that people are talking about you behind your back because you’re such a bad person? That’s your inner critic. It’s the dialogue that we have with ourselves that often gets stuck on an endless, negative loop.
The first and most important step to building self-trust is to silence that harsh inner voice. Easier said than done, though, right?
Transforming your thoughts
It’s possible to transform your inner thoughts into a compassionate, dependable friend. But it all starts with becoming aware of your thoughts first. This may take some time to get right – sometimes, we are so used to thinking the same thoughts repeatedly that we don’t even realise we’re thinking them.
The trick is to catch yourself when you think negative thoughts and to turn them around when you have them. Instead of thinking that you made a terrible mistake and will never forgive yourself, think about all that you have gotten right lately and how proud of yourself you are for that.
Man, we all just need to be a little less hard on ourselves!
Turning it around
The next time you catch yourself thinking and feeling like you can’t trust a decision you make in case you get it wrong, turn that thought around and speak to yourself as a friend would. Ask yourself, what if you make the right decision and everything turns out wonderfully?
Handle yourself with care
You do so much for those around you. And, through pretending and people-pleasing, you’re actually doing more than necessary for those around you.
It’s time to give it a break and do more for yourself.
Prioritising yourself, your needs, and your dreams is important to building trust within yourself.
Take time to identify your needs and what you enjoy doing and make a considered effort to attend to these things.
Give yourself permission and the freedom to look out for yourself before worrying about how to please those around you.
You are a beautiful miracle; you should treat yourself with as much care as you do those around you.
Doing this will make you feel good about yourself and will reinforce how much value you feel you are worth. This will lead to more self-trust over time.
If you feel like this all sounds great, but you haven’t a clue where to start, it’s time you and I had a chat! Contact me via my website, and let’s book a 121 coaching session where we uncover exactly how you can learn to trust yourself and live authentically you!