Mastering Your Mindset: You’re Better Than You Think You Are

Do you often ask why you’re not like other people? Does this stop you from going outside your comfort zone? If you answered yes, then that’s okay. You are not alone — everyone has doubts, but you can clear them from your mind.

This episode kicks off a new monthly series, Master Your Mindset. I talk about why you’re better than what you think you are. I also share the reason behind this mindset and what you can do about it.

Tune in to the full episode and learn how you can master your mindset to believe in yourself.

Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:

  1. Learn about the shackles that hold you back from realising your full potential.
  2. Discover how the stained-glass window develops and how it affects your behavior.
  3. I will also share how you can remove the stains from your window.


Episode Highlights

[04:52] The Problem with How We Are Designed

  • We are better than we think we are, but there are some days that we struggle to believe that notion unless we are psychopaths or narcissists.
  • We struggle to believe in ourselves because we are designed to doubt ourselves. Thus, we often try to stay within our comfort zone — to avoid rejection.
  • Our design also makes us not fully aware of ourselves, and we start to question our worth and value.
  • This year, I want to help you believe that you are better than you think you are.
  • I’ll help you rev up your self-confidence so that you will remember how badass you are when the feelings of doubt resurface.

[07:19] The Five Shackles That Hold You Back

  • In my book You’re Better Than You Think You Are, I’ve identified five shackles that hold us back from realising our potential. And I was able to name them because I’ve experienced them myself or heard about them from the women and men I’ve coached.
  • These shackles include the shadows or fears, stained-glass windows or beliefs, big T trauma and small T traumas.
  • Big T traumas are experiences people can quickly identify as traumatic, such as domestic abuse or childhood trauma. 
  • Small T traumas may include hurtful words people tell you and other small events that affect how you see yourself.

[09:15] Understanding the Shackles: The Stained-Glass Windows

  • When I was a child, my mom and I used to go to church on Sunday. And there, I would always stare in awe at the stained-glass windows. I was fascinated by how different faces look like when light from those windows shine on them.
  • This stained-glass effect happens when you start to feel alienated while with other people. You begin to see them differently.
  • When this happens, doubt begins because you start to wonder whether you are actually “normal.” It also occurs in situations where you react horribly to an event or circumstance, but others appear unperturbed.
  • Everybody has stains, and they differ for each of us.
  • Listen to the full episode to learn more about the stained-glass window shackle.

[14:53] Looking at the Window

  • Your window frame is your sensory filter. It is everything that you experience with your senses.
  • This window takes in all the information you get from your surroundings. The information is neutral until you give them meaning, which creates the stains in your window.
  • An example is when you’re asked to stand and read in front of the class. Like me, some people may enjoy doing this; others may feel anxious or shy, so they stumble along the way.
  • How you perceive people’s reactions towards you creates a stain in your window — an embarrassment, humiliation or intimidation.
  • Tune in to the full episode to learn more about how we form the stains in our window.

[21:38] The Problem with the Stains

  • These stains significantly affect our behavior and how we see ourselves.
  • Because stains of different people vary, others may find it difficult to understand why you’re acting a certain way.
  • These stains also build up over time and become opaque — permanent additions to your window — and form shackling or limiting beliefs.

[23:33] Unlocking the Shackles

  • Unlocking these shackles or understanding why we are holding ourselves back can help change them into empowering beliefs.
  • Going back into the initial events that caused the stain and removing them from your window allows you to regain neutrality.
  • Being able to remove the stains is an incredibly freeing feeling that helps you move forward.
  • However, it is essential to understand that removing the shackles is not erasing the doubt in your life because you are not going outside your comfort zone without some doubt.

[27:36] Why You Should Read You’re Better Than You Think You Are

  • This book aims to help you grow and know your worth and value.
  • It includes exercises that allow you to have a deeper level of self-awareness.
  • It also has stained-glass window exercises to open up your thinking and help you identify your limiting beliefs.

5 Powerful Quotes

[04:52] ‘You’re better than you think you are’.

[14:19] ‘The way that you react, the way that you feel certain situations are due to the stains on your window. And let me tell you, you won’t be a human being if you don’t have any stains’.

[16:06] ‘I want you to know that that’s all that it is. Everything that you’re experiencing right now, as you listen to this podcast, is simply information, is completely neutral’.

[25:14] ‘So, really, understanding the stains on the window — how they make you behave, why they were formed, when they were formed — gives you the detail that you need to be able to make a change and to start to move forward in a different way. It’s incredibly freeing’.

[27:19] ‘When you stand on the edge, that you feel that moment, and that’s a great moment because that shows that you’re growing’.

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To defining success,