Coaching You through Your Fear of Judgement
Imagine speaking in front of a room full of people — everyone’s watching your every move and listening to your every word. You feel as if you’re placed under a glaring spotlight, and any mishap will lead to others judging you. But will people really think negatively of you? Or is this fear just your limiting beliefs holding you back?
In this episode, I will coach a client through her fear of judgement. I walk her through the present and dig deeper into her past. You may not be aware of it, but your history can create stains in your life, which then affects how we present ourselves.
If you want to know how you can deal with your fear of judgement, this episode is for you.
Here are three reasons why you should listen to this episode
- Know more about how your past experiences can affect your current mindset.
- Discover the limiting beliefs that are holding you back.
- Learn how to build confidence and courage.
[02:46] Impostor Syndrome
- When in meetings with peers or senior managers, Nikki feels like her views are not worth listening to.
- She often keeps quiet and instead sends her points through an email afterwards.
- Nikki tends to not voice her ideas due to her fear of saying something stupid, looking silly, or being not as good as others in the room.
- There is a dichotomy of what she believes in at the moment and what happens afterwards.
[06:00] What Bothers Nikki
- One of the reasons she feels good enough is because she did not go to university.
- Nikki knows she has an aptitude for her work through experience and age. But it is dealing with people who come across as knowing more that she finds difficult. She is afraid of being out of depth.
- She identifies two situations where she feels dread. One is during meetings at work where the managers expect them to know all the answers.
- Another was back in school where she would try to not get picked to answer a question.
[11:29] How to Address the Issue
- I ask Nikki to visualise past versions of herself and imagine as if she is a fly on the wall in the meeting room.
- I walk her through using the tapping technique on the version of herself in the meeting room.
- The goal is to communicate with that version of Nikki and ask her to identify a time in the past where she had a similar feeling.
[16:20] Looking into Nikki’s Past
- When Nikki does not know the answer to a question in a meeting, she feels internal disappointment. This is driven by her desire to support her team.
- In late primary school, she felt like she wasn’t good enough and struggled to keep up with other children. If all her classmates are invisible, Nikki felt like she could speak up and ask her teacher questions without feeling stupid.
- The first time she felt this dread was when she moved and joined a new school midyear.
- She was upset with the change and therefore decided that she can’t show her emotions.
- Tune in to the full episode to hear our coaching session and gain more insights about your own limiting beliefs!
- The process that I walked Nikki through is called an echo stream. It relays how your past impacts your present.
- Nikki’s experience when she was 6 is a stain that represents the feeling of not being accepted.
- The more similar experiences she had, the more distorted her perception became.
- ‘Why’ questions come with a fear of judgement. Use ‘how’ questions instead.
- Listen to the full episode to discover how you can also build your confidence and courage.
5 Powerful Quotes
[41:32] ‘In every situation that you experience moving forward, you know that you are accepted for who you are, for what you know, for what you don’t know’.
[48:37] ‘Remember that 6-year-old version and bringing in that yellow light because that’s going to give you that courage to start to speak up. And then with the courage comes confidence’.
[49:35] ‘Keep bringing the yellow light in and allowing yourself to just sit with that feeling of what it’s like to be accepted for who you are’.
[50:08] ‘You’ve created a new perception in your brain, and therefore, it’s not being triggered in the same way as it was. You’ll feel a sense of freedom from that shackle that was holding you stuck’.
[52:18] ‘For you to be able to help other people who feel like you, the choice of questioning technique will really help that’.
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To defining success,